The Omega Session
Another RP Sburb session, Trials of Sburb! There is no limit to charaters, so sign up by posting on Rguy3's message wall! Sburb Players Humans *Jenny McFee *Mellohi Scratch *Cass Peterson *Meg Griffin *Dylan Diamond Trolls *Nephim Lekiar *Skaahn Pakkan *Apollo Carinn Cherubs *Thanatos Carapaces *Prospit Sleuth *Jack Noir Episode 1 -Meet the Players. Your name is JENNY MCFEE . You live in the big city of Cardiff, Wales. You do a lot of things in the field of almost everything. Today you are trying out a sweet new game, Sburb. It doesn't have good reviews, but you never pay attention to those, because you are just gonna ace this thing. The stable version just came out. You go up to the computer, begin the installation, and OH DANG. Someone's messaging you via Pesterchum. Let's see who it is... miraculousSwordsman MS began pestering godheadBubbles GB at XX: XX am. MS: Yo Dude. GB: Hello, Scratch. MS: I Really Wish You Didn't Know Who I Am Sometimes... GB: We've had this argument before. Now, I was about to get my game on when you called. As such, tell me what you want, or bugger off. MS: Weeeeeeeeell.... MS: I Was Just Gonna Say That I Heard You Were Playing Sburb MS: And Just To Say I Was A Beta Tester For The Old Version MS: So Yea MS: I Guess You Could Ask Me For Help. GB: Help? Pff. I suppose if that becomes necessary I will take you up on the offer. godheadBubbles ceased pestering miraculousSwordsman at XX: XX am. >Jenny: Install Sburb client. A flashy load screen appears. You spend the next ten minutes staring at it. >Be miraculousSwordsman. You are now MELLOHI SCRATCH and you know that JENNY WILL NEED YOUR HELP ANYWAY. You Walk To Your Bed And Drop Your Laptop There While You Throw Some Shit Out The Window. You Then Decide To Install A Clock To Your Pesterchum So That The Time Will Work. >Mellohi: Look Out WindowS You Have Been Looking through the window already >Mellohi: Go install the thing Got It >Jen: Enter. You have no idea what that means, although it sounds pretty epic. You go back to looking at the Sburb load screen. It's taking ages to load. >Mellohi: Look Around Your Room You Look Around Your Room To Find Some Books, Disks, Clothes, Robot Parts And Your Bed... >Mellohi: Throw Your Computer Out The Window And Piss On Your Robot Parts No Why Would You Do That..... Actually You May Have A Point..... You Might Save It for Later Though.... >Mellohi: Be A Troll Already You Cant Be A Troll, Unless you mean This Kind Of Troll, Nah, Dont Think You Mean That >Jenny: Unearth secret weapon. This is the reason you will NOT be needing Scratch's help. You lift the ABRIDGED SBURB STRATEGY GUIDE onto your desk. Gogdamn that's heavy. And it's only volume 1. >Jenny: Begin consulting guide. You open the book to the first chapter. Chapter 1: General tips and tricks to remember before you get started Try to get acquainted with your weapon of choice early on. If you practice enough, you might even earn a rung or two on the echeladder before you even make it in. Make sure to have a laptop that has a good battery capacity. You're going to need it if you're going to be contacting other players when you're out questing or something. Have a secret stash of food hidden somewhere in your house that you wouldn't mind eating a lot of. You'll probably wind up duping that pile of food a lot of times. And don't forget to have some healthy food with vitamins! Candy isn't going to cut it when you're fighting prototyped imps! When that timer starts ticking, DON'T MESS AROUND! Even if you have hours left on it, try to get in as quick as possible. Procrastinators get hit by meteors! Consider trying to awaken as soon as possible. Just try not to stare into skaia/the furthest ring for too long as you may lose sight of your current reality/go insane. If you have a typing quirk, make sure that it is a readable one.? Unless you've been grinding to a very high level, do not PCHOOOOOOOO to a gate that your house has not reached yet! Reaching your full potential will require you to solve your personal issues and settle your rivalries in a way that fits your title. Just remember that when you take THE CHOICE, being ready will often mean that you will be prepared for the successful route of said choice, but only through effort and determination will you be able to complete your side of the bargain. Be careful about any and all time travel that you do. If you see yourself from another time, be careful. It is advised that you change clothes often so that you will not get your other selves from other times mixed up. What the bloody hell is this? This is a lot of words, that's what this is. You may be an avid reader, but even this is a little much for you. It appears the Sburb client is almost finished. You better continue with the guide. >Mellohi: Cut Jenny Off Success... >Mellohi: Get A Better View Of Your Room >Mellohi: Investigate Picture On Wall ' ' >Jenny: Begin. You exitedly run to the computer to find that the Sburb client...to find it's a .bat file. Meanwhile, someone watches Jenny through her window... >Be Jack Noir You cannot be Jack Noir, because Jack Noir is to busy stabbing the branch he's sitting on so he can look through Jenny's window. > You continue reading. Make sure you trust your server player. They will be very helpful in keeping you alive for starters. They are also required for... You close the book. Looks like Scratch knew about this. >Jenny: Pester godheadBubbles GB began pestering miraculousSwordsman MS at 11: 38 am. GB: Scratch. GB: Answer. GB: This is somewhat important. MS: What Do You Want? MS: Im Doing Something GB: Screw it. GB: I just found out that Sburb requires multiplayer. MS: Im Really Busy Right Now. I'll Tell You When I'm Finished. >Jenny: Connect to random server player. Seeing as this is a new feature for Sburb stable, you click the random connect button. An error screen pops up claiming no one is online. >Mellohi: Unreveal Your Secret Plan Well you see, your gonna.. WAIT YOUR NOT GONNA TELL ANYONE But you do have a secret plan You Have A Server Disk sitting in your disk rack And your gonna use it Your gonna use it gooooood >Mellohi: Install disk Im doing it >Jenny: Continue reading. Before entering The Medium: A warning about agents On Derse, the purple planet orbiting Skaia, there are agents working to overthrow the rulers. The ones to look out for are: *''ARCHAGENT JACK NOIR'' :: Noir is a stabhappy loose cannon who is a danger to everyone around him. Unless you get with him to dethrone the Black Queen, he should be dispatched as soon as possible. *''THE COURTYARD DROLL'' :: The Droll is an expert with bombs. However, he is very stupid and the easiest to befriend. You can become genuine friends or you can use him for your own means. It will take him a while to figure out the latter. *''THE HEDGEMONIC BRUTE'' :: There is little noteworthy things to say on the Brute. However it is best to know that if you are a Derse dreamer, Noir is most likley to send him to assasinate you and you will be facing this angry wall of meat. He is incredibly powerful and may attempt to bite your head off alive. *''THE DRACONIAN DIGNITARY'' :: This agent is a murderous psycopath who, though classy, is not afraid to kill in some pretty horrible ways. Stay away from him as best you can. Your eyes linger on the image of Jack Noir on the page. >Jenny: Look out the window. You turn to see the very Archagent you just read about. >Jenny: AGGREIVE You chuck one of your neumerous CRICKET BATS at Noir. It hits home. > > ' ' Jack Noir has NOT been slain. >Mellohi: ADVANCE What do you mean advance you only finished the installation now. Now you just need Jenny to Press Something Again >Jenny: Press Something Again. You direct your attention back to the computer. CONNECTION ESTABLISHED! Press enter to begin session_ >Jenny: (press) Enter. Good luck! SBURB brought to you by SKAIANET INDUSTRIES. You fail to notice anything happen. >Mellohi: Pester Jenny And Explain What Your Gonna Do miraculousSwordsman MS began pestering godheadBubbles GB at 12:55 am. MS: Yo Jen MS: Got A New Plan MS: See You Have Pressed Connect MS: Ima Start Movin Shit MS: Kay miraculousSwordsman MS began pestering godheadBubbles GB at 12:56 am. GB: Wait, what? GB: What the hell are you doing?! GB: Scratch! --miraculousSwordsman MS is now an idle chum!-- >Jenny: Investigate matters. This is sounding really serious. You've read that server players 'Move Shit Around' in an occasionally messy fashion. You are going to kill that Scratch. >Mellohi: Suddenly drop Cruxtuder behind Jenny. He demolishes your bed in the process. Dammit Scratch! >Mellohi: Start Flinging Jen's Shit EVERYWHERE You Continue To Do That, Laughing Maniacly >Jen: Duck in cover! Aaaaaaaaand...He's done! > godheadBubbles GB began pestering miraculousSwordsman MS at 1:12 PM. GB: Stop. GB: Seriously, have you lost your mind? GB: Do something useful! You're supposed to build the house up or something, right? MS: Sorry MS: Always Wanted To Trash Your Shitty Room MS: Anyway MS: Yea, Yea We Are GB: That's all well and good then. GB: If you would please get to work. I'd appreciate decent architechture. GB: Nothing sloppy. godheadBubbles GB ceased pestering miraculousSwordsman MS at 1:14 PM. >Mellohi: Build A Shitty 1x1 Block Tower with a Ladder On It That was the original idea but You Could totally Do some epic Shit here With this building >Jen: Have sudden inspiration godheadBubbles GB began pestering miraculousSwordsman MS at 1:17 PM. GB: Alright, GB: I just remembered that we need some more stuff. GB: Can you get me a Totem Lathe and an Alchimeter? MS: Okay, Want The Pre-Punched Card As Well? MS: Actually Don't Answer That. MS: Its Pretty Obvious. >Mellohi: Deploy the shit You Start Dropping The Shit in her house. >Mellohi: Show Your Designs For Jennys House! ' ' >Jenny: Get sylladex. You suddenly realize you don't have a sylladex, however your older sister recently bought a video game that came with one. You're gonna have to take it... > > You sneak into the room and impliment the Sylladex. It's a little weird, but it'll do. >Jen: Youth roll out the door and head back to your room. You pull off an excellent youth roll and crash straight into your sister. She doesn't look happy about the Sylladex... >STRIFE!!! You pull the default Strife specibus out...Fistkind. Your sis appears to be using the same. >Jen: Aggreive Sis auto-parries, grabbing you in a headlock. You lose your sick shades. > > You deliver a punch to your sis's stomach and abscond, running to your room and locking the door. >Mellohi: Run Into Your Mom When You Go Toilet No.. Why Would You? You Dont Even Need To Go Toilet. >Mellohi: Trap Jen's Sis With A Wardrobe Oh Yea Good Idea. You Do That. >Mellohi: Deploy The Pre-Punched Card On Jenny's Desk. Done >Jenny: Grab Pre-punched card. Introduce it to Cruxtuder. Let's make this happen. >Jen: Activate Totem Lathe. This bit is surprisingly easy. > > GB: Oi, Scratch. GB: Where's the Alchimeter? GB: I don't want to poke around in case I run into my sis again. MS: You Sister is...Indisposed At The Moment MS: As In Locked In A Wardrobe. GB: Dammit. GB: We get into fisticuffs all the time. I need to get her out. > > A sudden BOOM echoes in the backyard. >Jen: Look out the window. There's a pretty big crater where a meteor has landed. As a matter of fact, they appear to be raining down all over Cardiff...you're pretty sure that ain't good. >Jen: Continue to pester Scratch. GB: Tell me where the Alchimeter is, stat GB: I'm about to be fried. MS: Do You Have Access To The Roof? MS: Actually You Know What....... MS: Check Your Window, Should Be On A Platform There >Jen: Turn around. You feel the sudden urge to turn around and What on earth is that? The object floats in the air, blinking. Oh yeah. It's the Kernelsprite you're supposed to prototype. You suppose you should do that now. >Jen: Hunt around the room. A-ha! Amongst your Doctor Who merchandise (you are a huge fan), you spot a tin Dalek . Perfect! You pick it up and throw it Sprite-wards. As it fuses, you head up to your roof. >Jen: Examine Alchimeter. Looks pretty sweet. You guess you'll play around with it a bit. >Jen: Alchemize ''Doctor Who DVD' with own T-shirt.' You got the TARDIS shirt! It doesn't do anything special, seeing as it only cost about 5 grist. '>Jen: Alchemize Doctor Who' DVD with ''Reality!' magazine. Apparently, this would alchemize the TARDIS, but it takes more grist than you'll ever see in your lifetime. Oh well. '>Jen: Alchemize pen, antique sword, and sister's Problem Sleuth game.' You get...A pen. A perfectly normal pen. Damn. '>Jen: Use new pen to write self a note.' You can't write notes with a sword! '>Jen: Make the entry item already!' You got the CRUXITE DUMMY! You suppose you could run it through with your pen... '> >''' "WERE IS JENNY MC-FEE?!" Oh crap. You should have known prototyping the Dalek would have consequences. >Jen: Enter. You ram the cruxite dummy through with your PEN, and all goes black. END OF EPISODE 1 Episode 2 - Introducing: Aliens. Your name is APOLLO CARINN. You have very few intrests, although you do like MAKING MUSIC, like DUBSTEP or something. Right now you're blasting some pretty sick beats. You also are a fan of WEBCOMICING. You run one yourself, but your favorite has to be BARD QUEST. It's too bad it was never finished. You also play RPGs on rainy days, and shine people's shoes for a quick buck from time to time. What will you do now? >Apollo: Troll someone. Eeh, you aren't a big fan of web trolling, but you suppose it might be fun. You start up Trollian. battlefieldMalpractice BM began trolling godheadBubbles GB at XX: XX am. BM: Greet!ngs. GB: You are trolling me. BM: How do you know? BM: !'ve barely said anything. GB: Hint #1: GB: You have one of those stupid quirks, GB: I only know one moron who uses a quirk GB: Him and trolls. GB: Hint #2: GB: battlefieldMalpractice BM began trolling godheadBubbles GB at XX: XX am. GB: Keyword = trolling. GB: Suspicious, isn't it? BM: Your log!c !s very sound. GB: Thank you. I'm going to spare us some time by doing something amazing. BM: What? godheadBubbles GB blocked battlefieldMalpractice BM at XX: XX am. > > You really suck at trolling. >Aolo, Ayolo whatever the fuck your name is: Be The Other Troll You Are Now SKAAHN PAKKAN And YOU JUST FELL ASLEEP, Dayum Narcolepsy Sucks. >Skaahn: Be Ke$ha Okay, ONE, You Cannot Be Ke$ha, Ke$ha Is Not In Trials Of Sburb, She Is In Ke$hastuck. TWO, You Cant Do Jack Shit, Your're Asleep, Exept Maybe Explore Derse >Skaahn: Explore Derse ' ' >Narrtive: Flip around in a confusing manner. You are now JENNY MCFEE and have a newfound hatred for DALEKS. The sprite is bad enough, but the imps? The imps are prototyped. This is psychotic. Loud shouts of EXTERMINATE!!! EXTERMINATE!!! are echoing all over the place. >Jenny: STRIFE. You are now APOLLO CARINN. You are looking for that video game a friend shipped to you from another planet. It's called SBURB and it's apparently really cool. You hear it's multiplayer, so maybe you'll ask Skaahn to play. He's a pretty cool guy when he's not asleep. battlefieldMalpractice BM began trolling awkwardWeaponsholder AW at XX: XX am. BM: Dude, !'m about to play Sburb. BM: Wanna jo!n? --awkwardWeaponsholder AW is now an idle chum!-- BM: So you're asleep, r!ght? BM: !'m tak!ng that as yes. >Mellohi: Play The Game You Need A Server Player First, God Everyone Is Shit...... >Jenny: Pester Mellohi. godheadBubbles GB began pestering miraculousSwordsman MS at 7:22 pm. GB: Scratch, I'm afraid I can't be much help at this point. GB: My internet is about to go out. GB: There's someone who wants to play Sburb though. His tag is battlefeildMalpractice. GB: Good luck dude. godheadBubbles GB is now offline. You guess you're pretty much on your own. >Mellohi: Pester This DickWeed miraculousSwordsman MS began pestering battlefieldMalpractice BM at 29:00. MS: Yo Dickweed MS: You Wanna Play Sburb? BM: Who are you calling d!ckweed? BM: Do you th!nk !'m w!ll!ng to play a real!ty-alter!ng game w!th someone who calls me bad names? BM: !n any case, ! suspect play!ng may be nessesary to my surv!val. BM: So yeah, !'ll play. >Apollo: Get this show on the road. You install the Sburb server. > ' ' >Mellohi: Be The Idiot You Refuse, And Proceed To Jump On Your Bed, Waiting For This DickWeed To Hurry Up >Apollo: Make with the tools You drop a few things around the room for this moron, careful not to damage his computer battlefieldMalpractice BM began trolling miraculousSwordsman MS at 29:03. BM: Alr!ght, !'d recommend tak!ng your Cruxtuder and prototyp!ng your spr!te right away. BM: We don't want to g!ve ourselves a vo!d sess!on because some b!ghead d!dn't prototype. BM: Oh wa!t a sec. BM: Gonna make th!ngs go faster. >Apollo: Troll your friend. battlefieldMalpractice BM began trolling awkwardWeaponsholder AW at 29: 04 am. BM: Hey, buddy. BM: If you are asleep, isn't your dreamself narcoleptic too? Cassandra- > Begin. Your name is Cass Peterson. You consider yourself very cool and very classy. You enjoy most everything to do with computers, except webcomics. You can't stand those things. Anyway, you have just downloaded the new game Sburb, and can't wait to try it out. Thats when you find someone is Pestering you. You guess Sburb can wait. You open Pesterchum and groan. It's your stupid British Cosuin, Jenny Mcfee. godheadBubbles GB began pestering lateInvestigator LI at 20: 31 am. LI: what do you want? GB: Just wanted to say sorry. LI: what GB: You're really a great cousin. Just thought I'd tell you before I died. LI: okay, *what*?! godheadBubbles GB ceased pestering lateInvestigator LI at 20: 31 am. Jenny and her stupid pranks. Oh well. You might as well play the game now. >Cass: Be Mellohi You never stopped. >Mellohi human, what are you doing? What? You Have Not Been Doing Anything, Exept You Know, Alchemising Some Shit, You Started To Prototype, But Your Trying to Get Something That Wont Be A Huge Dick And Wont Suck. Okay You Think You Got It, You Decide To Throw The Assassins Creed 3 in With Phoenix Wright Game. Yep, Thats Good >That's a very weird sprite, Mr. Scratch. Well Its Better Than SHUTTHEFUCKUPSPRITE. >Mellohi: Consult With PhoenixCreedSprite SPRITELOG PHOENIXCREEDSPRITE : OBJECTION, IM THE ASSASSIN MELLOHI: Bro, You Need To Shut The Fuck Up PHOENIXCREEDSPRITE : OBJECTION! MELLOHI: Seriously Man, Shut Up PHOENIXCREEDSPRITE : OBJECTION! NAW MAN IM AN ASSASSIN, YOU SHOULD SHUT UP MELLOHI: Ugh............. > Mellohi human, pay attention! PHOENIXCREEDSPRITE : OBJECTION! MELLOHI: JUST STOP FOR A SECOND! > > > > You are CASS again. And you are totally pissed. Turns out you need a server player to play this goddamn game. And everyone is fooling around elsewhere. You spent four hours downloading this game, and you'll play it if it's the last thing you do! > Cass: Find someone who has a server player. Theres a plan. You pester someone random. lateInvestigator LI began pestering miraculousSwordsman MS LI: Dude, do you play Sburb? MS: Sorry Cass, Playin With Your Cousin, Also, If Your Wondering How I Know Your Name, I Used Wikipidea LI: .... LI Gimme one second to check that. Cass: Check Wikipedia. DAMN IT!!!! Jenny obviously made this page. You'll get her someday. LI: .....I hate my cousin. LI: Anyway, mid if I play Sburb with you two? MS: Again, Im Pretty Sure Im Filled Up On Both Sides, Jenny, However, May Not Be, You May Be Able To Get Her As Your Server Player, >Jenny: Be asleep. You are out cold. That being the case, your dream self is awake. >Jack: Be more awake than the kid. You got it, cheifs. You're gonna kill the kid and get back to Derse. This is getting crazy. >Mellohi: Go Check On Jen-Jens Who The Fuck Is Jen-Jens? Oh You Mean Jenny? You Go Check On Jenny And Notice Jack, The First Thought That Went Through Your Head Was Closet As You Decide To Trap Jack In A Sweet Golden Closet You Found From The Roman Age Under The House, Phew, That Was A Close One. >Mellohi: Poke Jenny Sburb Doesnt Let You Interact With Players, So You Get A Stick And Poke Her With That, Which It Actually Lets You Do. >Mellohi: Be other girl. Which One? Meg => You are now MEG GRIFFIN. Your intrests include POCKET MONSTERS, COMPUTER SOLDIER PORYGON, FURRIES, GROWING EXOTIC FLOWERS, and BOND MOVIES. You also are a fan of MANWHA. You like to ENJOY SPUMINDI LAUPER FROYO ON THE PIER. Your chumhandle is screamingGopher and yOU tYPE lIKE tHIS mOO. >Meg: Monthly Blood yourself and Purr like a Mutie. A wild character select screen appeared! You pick >Cass Peterson: Be super irritated. You are really annoyed that no one will play Sburb with you. You'll have to do something about it. You go to the legendary sweet bro and Hella Jeff websight and place an ad. It says the following: Hot Girl wishes to play Sburb. Click here for Chumhandle. Sure, you exagerated. But it should attract attention. > Wow, that was fast. Let's check the Pesterchum... atrociousAttractor aa began annoying lateInvestigator LI at 29:03. aa: hello. aa: i heAr thAt you Are plAying sburb And Are of considerAble good looks LI: Well yeah. But I can't get on a server. I'm guessing you have one? >Cass: Be amazed. You genuinley amazed that someone saw your ad. You just hope he isn't some kind of psychopath. Oh well. You got a server player, anyway. >Forget these people. You don't know who to forget. Who are you again? >Remember one of them... Ah that's who! I get yah'! >Be Nephim Lekiar How can you be Nephim when you already are him? Silly... Your name is Nephim Lekiar. You're a little... How do you put it? Insane. You don't find yourself a nice person to be around considering well... You kind of kill most things you get in contact with... You pride yourself on you TROPHY COLLECTION and you DrillLnchKind strife specibus. What else can a lone wolf need? Did you forget that too? You don't have a home. >Roam the nearby forest. Nearby forest? There's nothing here BUT forest! >Turn around, quickly! You think there's something behind you. Must be paranoia. >Get something done. You take out your TROPHY COLLECTION from with your Fetch Modus after hitting a perfectbullseye! You take out the OLIVE BLOOD TROLL TROPHY and use his computer to look up something. >Inspect the device. You find, to your disbelieve, a disk inside the strange thing. It has the word "Sgrub" written on it. >Install the strange thing. Yeah, no shit! You're already doing that considering it had been on for a while now. >Nephim: Get trolled. battlefieldMalpractice BMbegan trolling oddballWarlord OW at 04:13 PM. BM: hey man. BM: !'m play!ng a game called Sburb, and !t works w!th Sgrub. BM: do you th!nk you could be my sever player? ! need one pretty bad. OW: oh hey . OW: sure. OW: not like i got anything else to do right now... . [http://www.mspaintadventures.com/sweetbroandhellajeff/?cid=005.jpg >'Apolo: make this HAPEN'] You can't! It's Nephim's job to do the server stuff, you just need to wait! >Nephim, HURRY UP! You can't go faster than you already are damnit! >Install the Client and get something done other than shooting stuff! You continue doing what you were already doing... Jenny: Look at sburb.wikia.com Hey, look, there's a notable bugs list for the stable release. >Jenny: Check it out. Notable bugs: *The Heinous Glitch *Trickster bug *Derspit >Jen: Read about Heinous Glitch There is an extremely rare glitch in Sburb referred to as the Heinous Glitch (see picture). This bug causes the player to be spliced horribly with his/her sprite. It occurs when the sprite is forced through the first gate with the player. Though augmenting their abilities, this is the most game-breaking and horrible glitch currently in the game. Oh my GOD. => Spritelog: JENNY: Hey, Daleksprite. DALEKSPRITE: YOU RE-QUEST MY PRESENCE? JENNY: Yeah. I don't want you doing anything stupid, alright? Don't ever try to follow me past the first gate. DALEKSPRITE: I OBEY! JENNY: Whatever. Jenny: Warn your friends CURRENT godheadBubbles GB RIGHT NOW opened memo on board SBURBSTABLE GB: There's a frightening glitch in this version of Sburb I just found out about. GB: You all have a right to know: sburb.wikia.com/wiki/Notable_Bugs/Heinous_Glitch Category:Sessions Category:Trials of Sburb